At least you did not threaten to kick her out of the house and make a fool of yourself at her boyfriend's house, threatening to dump all of her stuff there (like I did a short time ago)!
Life is challenging and sometimes we don't always know why we react the way we do to certain things. You have a lot of stress outside of your daughter being who she is - which apparently is a teen-ager Or and under-21? My guess?
We all make mistakes. Hopefully, you and your daughter and your husband will feel better about each other and about work later on and things will improve; or they won't and you'll find some better way of coping and living. I wish you the best.
Lately, I've been feeling a little stressed and depressed, too. Taking long walks on the beach is very helpful. It gets some of those endorphins working, is a natural escape, and does wonders for a bad day. I hope you can find something like that to do just for yourself, no matter what's going on.
Exercise does wonders for my mental attitude and usually, just walking away from a highly-charged situation can help. When I calm down a bit, I usually can cope better, whether or not the situation or issue at hand improves.
If it makes you feel any better, and it probably won't since I'm a "potty mouth" and you're not, I've told my daughter something akin to (if not identical to) "f@ you" at least half a dozen times over the past 2 or 3 years. I always feel like a heel later and apologize and struggle - really struggle - not to say "but you made me say it." We work it out and I apologize and try not to make it a habit.
The older she gets and the more dependent she seems, the harder it is for me not to scream obscenities at times. I think it is very, very important for me to maintain my composure and try not to act like the child; largely because it is very depressing for me to feel that I am becoming a worse parent than my own mom who rarely ever cursed and who tries to beatify herself for that and for being a wonderful parent (which she was not). She was a very destructive parent and I do not want to be that way; the cursing and screaming and belittling can be very damaging if it happens often, but so can being overly repressed.
BTW, it is very big of you to apologize after anyone provokes you, and kids can provoke you like no one else (other than your own self-righteous parents). You seem like a pretty balanced person dealing with a lot of imbalance right now. I hope you feel better soon and hope things improve.